REVIEW: Magnus Robot Fighter #45

“The Geomancer Quest” pt. 3 of 4
Writer: Antony J.L. Bedard
Penciller: George Saravia
Inker: Gonzalo Mayo
Colorist: Mark Csaszar
Review: Will Dubbeld

Because what’s not to love about a guy in a miniskirt and go-go boots who destroys robots with his bare hands?

I was a big Valiant Comics fan back in the days of yore.  A wide-eyed youth who was all aboard for this new company spearheaded by Jim Shooter, who I recognized from the Marvel Bullpen snippets in my favorite back issues rescued from quarter bins.  I hadn’t any inkling of interpersonal bad blood between creators or management, instead believing fully that Marvel was the happy-go-lucky scene as presented in editorial caricatures and Stan’s Soapbox.
Halcyon days, ladies and gentlemen.
In any case, 1989 saw the launch of Valiant Comics and their handful of fair-to-middling original characters and another handful of totally sweet licensed characters from old Gold Key comics, chiefly amongst them Magnus Robot Fighter.
Sidebar: Valiant beats out Image by 3 years to be the first splinter company founded by grumpy ex-Marvel staffers. Valiant books were better, as far as I was concerned . . .
So I didn’t know doodly-squat about the Magnus of yesteryear, but I did know this cat exploded robots with a punch and that was enough to muster preteen interest.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and comics got so bad, I had to break up with them for about a decade. 1992-93 hit me with the triple threat of DC’s Knightfall, Marvel’s Maximum Carnage, and Valiant’s Unity and I threw my hands up in disgust and walked out. It took 2001s New X-Men run helmed by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely to draw me back into the fold. During my hiatus, 7 shades of hell had broken lose in comicdom, and Magnus Robot Fighter no.45 is no exception to the rule.

At some point Valiant had been purchased by Acclaim (of video game renown) and had taken a general turn down a toilet bend in terms of quality.  I’ve got a smattering of Valiant issues from the Acclaim era from friends, quarter bins, or that old chestnut “10 mystery comics for $8!”, and they are almost universally horrible. Gone were the robot fighting glory days, as evidenced by the front cover featuring Magnus fighting several not-robots. The book opens with a dialogue box proclaiming “An ice cavern on Neptune’s moon, Triton: 4020 A.D.” and a scene depicting stereotypical, science-fiction grubby space miners fighting in a cavern.  This immediately reminded me of Star Trek VI, or whichever one it was where Spock and Kirk are exiled to a stereotypical grubby science-fiction space mine and hang out with David Bowie’s wife.  Instead of a Shatner/Nimoy double threat, I was treated to Magnus Robot Fighter, Jr. (whose name I infer to be ‘Torque”) imprisoned (for some reason) and hanging out with an amnesiac Armstrong.
Of Archer and Armstrong fame.
Anyone? No?
Well, hell with it. I knew who he was.

Magnus, Jr. and his adventure is juxtaposed with intrigue in the Calizona Sector of Earth (which actually sounds like a cool Judge Dredd sorta thing) where Leeja Clane, Magnus’ ladylove and now wife, is searching for her lost husband and bedeviled by a mind-controlling little weenus named Stimpert.
Not since the villainy of Seeker 3000s Jason have we seen an antagonist so unintimidating.

Eventually father, son, mother, and Armstrong are reunited via various storyteller fiat and Magnus kills Stimpert by robot-fighting him right in the forehead. To quote, “Someone call E.M.S.—I think I cracked his skull! Oh, God . . . I didn’t aim to kill you, Stimpert”.
Magnus. Buddy. You karate-punch robot tanks into smithereens.  I’m pretty sure ol’ Stimpert is less hardy than robots, Magnus.  Our book closes with Magnus possessed by Stimpert, or presumably so.  It’s a cliffhanger, and one I’m opting not to follow up on.

I don’t often say this, but this book pretty much sucked. Archetypical phoned in script that reeked of mid-90s slapdash mega-event writing and didn’t engage the reader what-so-damn-ever. And I’m inherently a fan of Magnus Robot Fighter. The art was atrocious, like someone had half-assedly studied Rob Liefeld’s pencils and then thought, “Fuck it, let’s do this”. 
The colors were nice, though.
Honestly, the highlight of this book was the full-page promo ads appearing throughout and advertising X-O Manowar, Harbinger, and Eternal Warrior.  Though I’m sure the 1994 incarnations of those books were awful as well. That and a few back-page editorial pieces that reminded me of 1970s-80s Marvel Bullpen articles did little to salvage a comic that I’m glad I didn’t pay the cover price of $2.25.

Stick to the first wave of Valiant Comics or the newest incarnation, dear readers.
Skip the middle bit.