REVIEW: What if ...? #12 vol 2

Writer and Pencils: Jim Valentino
Inks: Sam de la Rosa
Colors: Tom Vincent
Letters: Phil Felix
Review: Madman

I don’t know who keeps putting these damn What If books in the dollar box, but they sure do have a lot of my dollars. This issue asks the question WHAT IF...!?!?!?! the X-Men had stayed in Asgard? It’s a valid question I suppose, but I wasn’t really aware the X-Men had even gone to Asgard in the first place. In all honesty I’ve never really been into Thor, Asgard, or the X-Men for that matter. In all honester honesty I've dabbled with the X-Men from time to time. A nifty foil cover here and there will sucker me in with the rest of you and if Gambit, Nightcrawler, or Wolverine are featured I just might buy multiple copies. Thor books never make it to the register. It’s a language thing. That Old English lingo just kills it for me, every time I read a “thee” or “ hath” it’s like nails on a chalkboard. If I was forced to choose between reading a stack of Thor comics or Before Watchmen, I’d choose Before, even the Silk Specter books, that’s the extent of it. In fact up until the MCU came to be my favorite incarnation and the full extent was the mechanic guy from Adventures in Babysitting. That being said none of my prejudices mattered because:



A) What If..
B )Thor-Storm dueling a Frogman-Thor with magic hammers on the cover. All arguments are invalid, this comic must be preserved for all of humanity, and I must be the one to insure its safekeeping.

Now apparently the X-Dudes traveled to Asgard to rescue the New Mutants, who were abducted by Loki in X-Men Annual #9 and New Mutants Special Edition #1. In the original story the X-Men obviously return to Midgard, but in ye ol' Watcher-narrated yarn, the X-People are given the choice to either return home or become permanent residence of Asgard. Final tally was nine to stay and eight to go. Nightcrawler stayed because they still use swords in Asgard, Rogue stayed to loose her virginity(true story. Apparently her touch doesn’t effect Asgardians), Storm stayed to become a thunder goddess, Colossus left because he missed Mother Russia, Cyclops left because he’s lame, etc and so forth.

Fast forward to the Frog-Thor vs Storm-Thor battle of epicness. Loki has tapped some magic sword to syphon power, and in gaining said power he has apparently transformed Thor into a common frog and left him on Midgard to do the things frogs do. Somehow and out of nowhere Frog-Thor zooms in and starts laying the smack down on the newly crowned Thunder Goddess, Storm-Thor. Hammer vs hammer. Storm-Thor takes a beating from the OG thundergod and soon after Loki's spell is broken and Frog-Thor turns back into the lame non-Frog-Thor and starts takin' out the bad guys. Game over. Run the zit ads.

For the record Storm stays to rule Asgard, Cannonball married a Dwarf Princess..., Nightcrawler becomes a master swashbuckler, Rogue marries the Green Arrow-looking fellow who took her virginity, and Wolfsbane has a litter of kids....err....puppy things, and Sunspot wears the red shirt of doom.

The artwork is your expected early 90s same old same old you’d anticipate. I really did enjoy the story much more then I initially thought I would, that’s for sure. I'd even go so far as to say this is my favorite issue of What If...? I hath read to date. Roll thee Demon Sword ads.