REVIEW: What If…? Vol. 1, #14

"What if Sgt. Fury had fought World War2 in outer space?"

Plot: Gary Friedrich
Script: Don Glut
Art: Herb Trimpe
Inks: Pablo Marcos
Colors: D.R. Martin
Review: Madman

My LCS got in a few issues of What If…? the other day with a collection they purchased, and I managed to snag a few, including this gem. The first thing that grabbed my attention was the nifty cover with Sgt. Fury and the Howling Commandos battling it out with some aliens in outer space. Then I noticed the title… who in their right mind would be wondering what if Fury had fought WW2 in outer space? How does that even pop into someone’s brain-box?
...but now that you mention it I definitely need this hypothetical question answered. I need to know so I can go about the rest of my existence without feeling deprived of knowing how Fury smokes his cigar in space.

I had pretty high hopes for this book as far as entertainment value goes, but honestly I found reading this book more of a chore than a score. The writing was pretty meh, and I really had to focus to stay moderately interested in Don Glut’s contribution with the writing. That being said I was a wee bit more into the artwork, but not by much, as both the artwork and colors came off as pretty flat and muddled.
Now granted this book is from 1979, but people were doing some pretty nifty artwork in the 70’s, and it just didn’t come together here.              

This issue is divided into three parts: Part One takes place on or in the space station Pearl on the infamous day, December 7, 1941 (did you see what they did there and can you see where this is going?).
In this Marvel-fueled madness at the exact same time as the earthy Japanese are attacking Pearl Harbor, an armada of space ships from the evil Beta Empire attacks space station Pearl, where Fury and the Howling Commandos are stationed.

Part Two takes place further down the timestream on space station Midway with more of the same going on. In this segment, however, Fury’s CO is replaced with a robot and that really gets his blood boiling.

Part three is even farther down the timesteam and sees Fury take the fight to the Beta Empire, and ultimately laser blast them into submission…
But not before the robot CO gets blown straight to Hell. I know, pretty hokey, right?

It truly is difficult to labor though the dialogue in this one, which is not usually a problem with a What If…? book. Sure, the issue did answer the initial question and also answered my original curiosity about Fury and his cigar. It seems it’s perfectly fine to smoke a stogie while onboard a space station in 1979. Now, Fury and the Commandos are wearing the old cheesy space helmets that just look like fish bowls or clear bubbles, and I’ll be damned if Fury didn’t smoke while wearing that, too. Hell, there is even a guy smoking a pipe while wearing his high-tech fishbowl on his head…
Now just let that sink in…
I’m fine with a guy with radioactive spider-powers, I’m fine with a guy that can burst into flames at will, and I’m fine with a mechanized organism designed only for killing. But, there’s no way in Hell that anyone is smoking inside his space helmet. Even this Marvel Zombie has to draw a line in the sand…
I mean how does he light it, how does he not die of asphyxiation, and what does he do when it’s cashed out…eat it!!!?
Other than the whole cigar conundrum this book was a total waste of my time. A solid 2 out of 10.