REVIEW: Amethyst Princess of Gemworld Vol. 1 #1

Writers: Dan Mishkin & Gary Cohn Artist: Ernie Colon Letterer: Costanza Colorist: Tom Ziuko Review: Madman

I know right! At last, the Gem Princess graces the HCB’s hallowed halls, and it’s been a long time comin’. Almost from the moment that the HCB sprang from Charlie “Night Creeper” Waffles’ loins, we’ve(everyone here at the HCB staff from Art Bee in the interwebs department, Night Creeper in our Asian office , clear down to Shirley in accounting ) been giving Will D. a good thrashing as related to his unwavering endearment to said violet hued vixen. So here I am . . . First off what in the hell is a maxi-issue? I don’t know this term and it scares me. Seriously though, is it a sexist thing . . . like girls only? No boys beyond this cover! Maybe that’s why Dubbeld got into this book, so he could kick some feminist\conformist ass? Yeah . . . let’s go with that. Who knows though? DC has some whack shit going on over there especially in 1983 . . . cause it’s all gone dead. Ok, quick run down for those not in the know. This girl, Amy Winston, has the ability to open portals to a magical other earth called Gemworld, where she is known as Amethyst. She has other powers, too, such as magical purple power blasts. This is the first issue, so she has to do the whole Jedi in the swamp thing. Of course there has to be a bad guy trying to kill her before she reaches her full potential (yawn). As far as the story goes it’s pretty basic and almost storybook when it comes to the plot. I should probably mention that in the real world Amy Winston is a 10(ish) year old, and when she goes to Gemworld she transforms into a grown up. Shazam!!! To be totally honest I literally fell asleep a little past the half way point. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was an ad for Grit. The half-page ad was headed by the slogan, “We are looking for a few good boys and girls who would like to- -Earn their own spending money -Earn neat prizes -Gain practical business experience” Yeah ok, I’m in. What the hell is Grit? A Google search later and I now know the answer to that very question. Turns out Grit was a weekly newspaper founded in 1882 by Dietrick Lamade. The Grits’ target audience was small town and rural families. According to Wiki, by 1932 it had a circulation of 425,000 in 48 states, and 83% of its circulation was in towns with a population of fewer than 10,000. To me that says The Grit was legit if the salt of the Earth would pony up a dime for the pleasure. Grit used ads like the one I saw to recruit children and teenagers to sell their paper for them. From the 1940s to the 1970s approximately 30,000 kids collected dimes from more than 700,000 small town homes. That’s a whole lot of dimes in case you were keeping track. The founders’ grandson or son, Howard J. Lamade went on to serve as a top executive with Little League Baseball, building it into the national institution that it is. The main stadium used for the Little League World Series is named Howard J. Lamade Stadium in his memory. After again consulting with my friend Google I discovered The Grit is still published in magazine form as its present day incarnation. I found their website and a few hours later I emerged a much wiser man. The current issue deals with interesting topics such as: proper chicken coop ventilation, DIY compost tumblers, trust and team building with your horse, and a mean Bacon Mac and Cheese recipe that I am totally begging my wife to make me . . . So I may not be pining for the purple vixen, but I sure as shit can process and extract honey like a boss now . . . so I got that going for me.